You feel wonderful, giddy, happy, cheerful, ecstatic, romantic, on cloud nine! He’s so cute, adorable, you’re obsessed, you think about him all the time, you melt at his feet, he’s perfect! It must be love, right?
If you read the page on The Physical Facts, you know by now that all those hormones kicking in are meant to make you have these feelings when an appealing potential mate turns up. It’s all part of that genetic drive to propagate the species. This is not real love; it’s pure physical attraction propelled by increased hormonal activity. And… if you are near this wonderful guy in a very private place at that dangerous time of month when you are ovulating (when those hormones cause your sex drive to be at its peak), you are most likely to give in to those feelings, because you think this is real love. It’s also the very time when many girls lose their virginity. This is when it’s important for your brain to kick in and evaluate the whole situation.
Girls are very, very vulnerable to these physical attractions in their early teens, as they are also thinking about romance and how good that all feels. That’s why they get pulled in by guys who will tell them anything, like “I love you,” to get them to have sex; and that’s why so many girls get pregnant under these circumstances, only to have the guy up and leave. Like, for example:
I was 13 years old and I thought I was in love with the guy. I was still a virgin at the time, and he knew that. So one day he said if I really loved him I would give it up to him. At the time I thought it was right because I thought I was in love with him. Three days after we did it, he told me he had another girlfriend and he just wanted to have sex with me.
I was 14 when I lost my virginity. I thought I was in love with the guy I lost my virginity to. He told me he was in love with me and wouldn’t leave me for any reason. So I let him talk me into having sex. We broke up a month after it happened.
I lost my virginity when I was 13. It was to a boy I loved, and I thought he loved me. As soon as “it happened” it was a total flip. He was a total jerk. Two weeks later we broke up.
Guys are inclined to have one-night stands, and girls tend to connect love and sex. Girls connect sex with romance and intimacy, and guys focus on body parts and functioning. Did you know that eight out of ten first time teen sexual relationships last only a few weeks or months, and one-quarter of them are one-time experiences? And did you know that 85 teenage girls get pregnant each hour?
Now here’s one more thing to think about. Do you know what statutory rape is? Statutory rape is sex with a person who has not reached the age of consent, even if both people participate willingly. All 50 states have very different laws concerning the age of consent. In most states it is 16 years old, but in some states it is 17 or 18. Consequently, if you are under the age of consent, the “love of your life” could be charged with statutory rape.
do you know anyone who met their future husband when they were 13 and ended up marrying them and spending the rest of their life with them? Do you know any happily married couple who fell in love at 13? No… and that’s because those feelings are only the beginning of understanding love vs. lust and all those physical and emotional aspects. Having several different boyfriends over a period of years gives you the experience of learning what you really want in a husband. All boyfriends start out “perfect” in the beginning, but after getting to know them better, you often find things about them that you really don’t like. That’s why boyfriends come and go before you pick your husband.
So, consider this time period as a training ground, and don’t let your hormones rule your actions. They are programmed for only one thing…procreate. You, however, are programmed for many, many other things and need to understand that your physical needs have to be controlled so you can also pursue your emotional and intellectual wants.
The key to success during this time is to learn self control (both girls and guys). Girls, however, learn faster, as they’re the ones who get pregnant and have to deal with the consequences. Once you have experienced several boyfriends, learned that self control, and look at the world with more mature eyes, you will be able to find real love. Real love is not just a huge physical attraction. It’s wanting the same things as adults…home, family, etc., and making plans to have them in the future.