True Love leads to commitment in steps. The first step is stating your love to each other. But how can you be sure that, when you hear “I love you,” it’s the real thing? Obviously, if the words are only murmured in moments of passion, they don’t count. Even if spoken in the sober light of day, they don’t mean much if the other Steps To Commitment (see below) aren’t happening.
You begin seeing each other all weekend and during the week as well.
You sleep together almost every night.
You’re happy with your relationship 90 percent of the time.
You spend vacations and holidays together.
You give each other little gifts.
You meet each other’s families.
You discuss finances.
You move in together.
You seriously discuss having children together, or not.
You start to acquire property together (anything from a VCR to a house) and co-mingle monies in some way.
You marry or make some other form of lifelong commitment to each other.
Few couples, of course, follow this sequence exactly. Some would never dream of moving in together before getting married. Nevertheless, these steps show how a typical sound relationship grows closer and progresses toward marriage. If your relationship is more or less following this pattern, it’s healthy.
How Long Should It Take?
A typical and reasonable time to progress from meeting to marriage is two years. If your relationship has stalled somewhere along the progression or has slid backwards, you’d be wise to look for a cause. It’s natural for relationships to progress. Conversely, it’s very rare for both parties to remain satisfied with a partially-developed, uncommitted relationship which just goes on and on.
Once you’ve reached the commitment stage, stand together. Act as if you’re husband and wife and it’s the two of you against the world. Friends and family, not knowing him or her as you do, may subject your relationship to some buffeting.
Assuming he or she has passed all the checklists in “Qualifying Someone” with flying colors (if not, none of this applies!), forget other’s opinions. Even well-meaning friends can plant seeds of doubt that can poison a new relationship if you let them. They don’t necessarily understand what’s best for you, and they often have their own agendas. Unconsciously, some would rather have you stay single as a drinking buddy or a girlfriend to go shopping with than see you happily settled down.
So ignore friends who say things like, “I’d let her know who’s boss,” or, “You can find someone better than him,” or “Oh, I wouldn’t put up with that.” Who knows what your friend would really put up with for True Love?
Also, be cautious when introducing your new love to your family. Everyone’s family has their own ideas of what’s best for you, and they may not instantly take to him or her. Or vice versa. While your family may seem lovable to you, they may be off-putting or intimidating or otherwise hard for someone new to warm up to.
Expect some buffeting, share the surprises with a sense of humor, and make the commitment to stand by each other and protect your relationship no matter what. If you do, your love will endure.
relationships can play a major role in our lives.However, not all relationships are healthy. Sometimes we associate with people who may not have our best interests in mind. It’s vital that you learn to recognize a healthy relationship from a harmful one.However any relationship can seems to be an intimate one.That is,it’s totally normal to look at the world through rose-coloured glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-coloured glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be. You can have an intimate relationship with anyone. An intimate relationship is one in which you can truly be yourself with someone who you respect and are respected by in return. It is an emotional connection that can also be physical.Many people think that “intimate” means being physically intimate, such as being in a sexual relationships. However, an intimate relationship can be with anyone who you are really close to and with whom you can be completely open and honest. Intimate relationships afford you the opportunity to grow as an individual. Relationships are difficult to maintain when they are filled with conflict, negativity and a lack of trust. For the most part, people want the same thing from a romantic partner. People want spouses and partners who are:Understanding,Appreciative,Respectful,Caring and kind,Helpful,Trustworthy, Positive,Fun to be around. What Makes a HealthyRelationship? ———————————————————————– 1.Mutual respect: Respect is the first positive step in building a relationship .A relationship without mutual respect can never be happy and healthy. Mutual respect is absolutely necessary in a good relationship .Each partner has a right to privacy. Being a couple does not give you the right to invade your partner’s privacy. Love involves trust and this preclude any spying on your partner. There may be things that you love to do and your partner hates and vice versa. That shouldn’t mean that both of you can’t do the things you love. You can enjoy the things you enjoy on your own or with friends or family members. Or, you and your partner can stretch a little once in a while and share these things even though they are your favorite things. you should be able to discuss anything with your partner in a reasonable manner. If you can’t it is time to take a good long look at yourself.Relationships work the best when partners have a lot in common, but respect and appreciate the differences that do exist. It helps to appreciate someone for who they are rather than try to change them or how they behave. Everyone has a right to an opinion even if it is not considered accurate by someone else. The right to have an opinion is not limited to accuracy and you should definitely remember this in your relationship. 2.Trust: Trust is the central pillar supporting any real relationship. With so much at stake, be it emotions, finances, children or future goals, there needs to be implicit trust for love to fully develop. Building trust in a relationship takes hard work and commitment. Trust requires that you listen to each other and communicate your needs. It’s OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There’s no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don’t trust each other.Relationships work the best when partners reassure each other of their love and commitment. It never hurts to tell a spouse that you love him or her and that you will always be there.Trust, after all, is the glue that holds couples together – even when they face great challenges. Without trust, couples might be more likely to split in times of crises, fail at getting intimate, and have doubts about each other. Couples who trust each other have security and probably feel closer.So trust is an essential key to healthy relationship.Be predictable and learn to share things and secretes.Once you’ve built trust, you’ve done something magical, and you should do everything in your power to keep it if you plan on maintaining your relationship. And above all trust requires honesty above all else. 3.Honesty: Honesty is vital to the health of all relationships. Mutual trust, openness, and understanding are the key contributors to feelings of friendship and intimacy. Conversely it is very hard to be in a relationship with a person who distorts or withholds information critical to that relationship.Yet there are internal tensions that can pull us away from truth-telling. One of the most powerful of these forces is fear – fear of what other persons will think of us or how they will use the information we reveal. n a relationship, any relationship, complete honesty is always needed. In fact, honesty should be part of the relationship’s foundation. The principle behind it is that basically, no one likes being lied to, and if a relationship is to flourish, it should not be peppered with lies. In the end, the truth shall come out. You are not only in danger of losing him when the truth behind the lies is finally revealed, but you would also lose yourself in the process. Losing yourself is one of the worst possible outcomes in the end of a relationship; sometimes, it is hard to regain the sense of who you truly are.People need to be able to talk freely with a romantic partner. Sharing what is going on in one’s life and how one feels about issues is important to do. But, being open with a partner is not always easy because it requires spouses to tell the truth and to LISTEN to things that may be difficult to hear. Listening in an attempt to UNDERSTAND, not control, evaluate, or judge is critical to having an satisfying relationship. 4.Support: Couples feel closer and are more satisfied with their relationships when they approach problems and difficulties as a team. Couples who take an US versus the PROBLEM, rather than a YOU versus ME approach to conflict are much happier in the long run.It’s not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can’t take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you need it the most. 5.Care: Nothing in this world stays long and steady.As times goes by everything under the sun changes.So it is necessary to keep thing in care in order to maintain their goodness.This is also true for love.Care in what needed to maintain a good relationship rolling.’Cause rolling sione gather no moss!Over time, couples typically take each other for granted. At the start of a relationship people appreciate all the things that their partners do for them. However, as time goes on, people tend to expect more, but acknowledge a partner’s contributions less often. To keep a relationship happy and healthy it is important to show appreciation on a consistent basis. These 5 things are your key to a successful relationship.Relationships can be one of the best — and most challenging — parts of your world. They can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, remember that it’s good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you’re still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people. Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others. And if you’re already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you’re in brings out the best in both of you. And always remember ‘The best relationship is the one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other’.
There is a myth in society that women are incredibly complicated and you can’t make them happy. Well that’s a load of rubbish, women are actually simple and, yes, you can make her happy! Here are a few tips below which will hopefully make you a better boyfriend and make your girlfriendhappier.
Be independent, have your own goals and purpose and never depend upon her
This is vitally important; a women will never love a man whom depends on her. A women wants to feel the strength of her man and his ability to confront any situation. If a man is constantly depending on his women for support, whatever that may be financial, emotional, physical etc; he appears weak. In other words he is not really a man. When you depend upon your girlfriend. Your girlfriend will think she is acting like your mother. Nothing could be less attractive to her. Always remember, your girlfriend is not your mother. This poor guy never stood a chance: Guy calls out a girl who rejected him for years on Facebook
Don’t moan or complain Women hate it when their men constantly moan and whine. Well it’s not just women, everybody hates it. We all know whining or moaning is unattractive and yet many of us continue to do it regularly because it makes us feel better. When you moan or complain your basically saying life is unfair. Whether it is or isn’t doesn‘t matter. By moaning or whining you’re not taking responsibility for your own actions. You’re feeling sorry for yourself. It’s not just unhealthy for your relationship, it’s unhealthy for yourself. Successful people don’t complain, they don’t feel sorry for themselves they get on with things. They create solutions and work around tricky situations. Your girlfriend is not someone to unload all your grievances onto. Remember, your girlfriend is not there not support you, you are there to support her. When we moan and say how everything is so unfair we are showing ourselves as weak. We are using our women as a crutch and this goes back to our first fundamental principle. Never depend on your women. Why would your girlfriend want to be with a moaner? This is clearly a man who can’t cope with the world, who will never be successful and who most importantly won’t be able to support her and can’t be relied upon.
She will test you A good girlfriend will test her man. Women may often pick at things which may seem trivial. Men often don’t seem to understand this and some men get bothered and annoyed by it. Why do women test their partners, because they want to be certain about their man? Is he trustworthy, does he have integrity is he strong and can he cope? The strong man relishes such challenges and is more than happy to be tested. What sort of things will she do? A test might take many different forms, perhaps you contradicted yourself (integrity test), A weak man may think her picking as unnecessary and trivial but the strong man recognises his integrity has been questioned and will then seek to allay his girlfriend’s fears. Other tests might be physical or mental strength tests etc.
Use body language, don’t try and have an argument with her This is a classic problem which most men fall into at some point. Weaker men may joke about how it’s impossible to have a rational argument with a women. But men often fail to see things from the women perspective. For a start she usually doesn’t give a damn what your arguing over and this isn’t to say she can’t have a rational argument when she wants to. As an example maybe you were supposed to do something with her but you didn’t. What’s she’s really upset about is usually that you’ve shown you lack integrity and can’t be trusted, not that you didn’t do thing were you were going to. Maybe you had a great reason for not doing that thing with her. But here’s the thing NOBODY CARES, least of all her. Never try and talk or argue her round. Instead use your body and body language to communicate with her. Reassure her of who you truly are.
Any boy can give 100s of ways in which a girl can be perfect as a girlfriend. Girls will always say that they are perfect. But neither will agree to the other’s point of view. Thus the following 10 ways serve as a guide for the girls to be perfect.
1. Anyone who says girls loveattention is only partially right. Nowadays boys are also attention hungry. Thus a girl must make sure that her boyfriend gets enough attention from her.
2. Girls also like to be shown off. Boys also like to be shown off. They also want to know that they are being the subject of discussion among the girls. So a girl should discuss her boyfriend with her friends.
3. Go slow. There is no need for a three-course meal in the first date. No need to push him to call you his girlfriend so soon. Talking about family and children is an absolute no. the beginning time is very precious because both feel that they are on air. This is good but there is no need to rush this feeling.
4. Be honest. If you make a mistake, apologize. Be honest with him and more importantly, yourself. Don’t go accusing him if you feel vulnerable. Speak in a non accusing way.
5. Be happy and have a positive attitude. If everything said to him is an attack or a criticism then he may backfire too. Having a good sense of humor is also a very good part of the attitude.
6. Articulate what you want, need and speak of your opinions freely. There is no need to please him continuously. You must also show him that you are a person with your individual abilities and traits.
7. Take interest in what he likes. Don’t act like you are a great fan of what he likes. Just have a healthy interest in what he likes and dislikes.
8. Give him simple gifts at times for no reason whatsoever. This makes him feel special and feel like he needs you.
9. Make him something that he will like. Maybe a paper flower, a heart or anything creative. The purpose is to remind him of your love from time to time.
10. Never cheat. Some girls have the opinion that cheating earns them more attention from the boy. But it never works and always backfires.
Last week we took a look at the 5 biggest secrets that boyfriends keep from their girlfriends, the 5 things we can’t let you know because it throws a real curve ball in our game. But as we all know guys aren’t the only game players in relationships. Girls play their fair share of games too. Girls play it coy, they wait for you to make moves before strategizing their own, and girls honestly don’t always say what they mean. Why? Why wouldn’t girls just tell it like it is? What do girls want from their guys? Why does it seem like girls only want the guys who treat them badly? Just what is going on in the female mind? Why won’t girls give good guys a chance? Finally we can give you some answers. Here it is, as promised, a look at the 5 things your girlfriend doesn’t want you to know as told by Love Lady Tina Kells.
1. We like the chase – you chasing us. Yep, it’s sad but true that when a guy is too eager to catch us we wonder why. What is wrong with this guy? Why is he so clingy? Is he a control freak? Is he a serial dater? A player with many girlfriends on the go? Is he insane? It’s not that we don’t want to be caught, we do, we just don’t want to feel trapped and when things happen too fast trapped is how we feel. We need to be sure of our feelings and of our attraction before we can step off the racetrack and give up the chase. You need to woo us to make us yours. Some guys lay out traps, saying all the right things and meaning none of them, in an attempt to woo us and this gives way to our biggest fear; falling prey to an insincere guy who is more about the game than being in a relationship. For this reason even once we’re yours, even once we are sure of your feelings and you are sure of ours, we need to still feel a little bit of the chase. When you chase us we feel like you want us and are willing to do some work to be with us and we don’t want that feeling to go away just because you’ve caught us.
2. When we say we’re “OK” or that things are “fine” the opposite is probably true. Girls are communicators. It is hardwired in to our psyches to talk and talk and talk some more whenever there is discord or conflict. So if you sense there’s a problem and gather the courage to ask us and we respond with a “fine” or “it’s ok” or some other sentence with less than 7 (short) words chances are good that we really want to talk. So, you think, what’s a guy to do? You ask a question, you get an answer, and you plan based on that answer. Who wants to read between the lines or guess what is really going on? What a waste of time, right? Wrong! When girls pull the short answers out during a conversation it is because we want you to put the effort in to getting us to open up. It comes from a place of feeling like you don’t usually care what we have to say so we want you to put some effort in to getting us to talk so we can be sure we will be listened to. Now those perceptive guys among you may have your hands up right now waiting to ask the obvious question… if a girl feels like she’s not usually heard isn’t that the REAL problem? Yes, yes it is, and one little talk won’t stop that feeling of being marginalized. In psychology we call this a learned response, a behavior that does not come naturally but rather has been developed through a process called social conditioning. You may very well be the most attentive boyfriend since the dawn of time but if her previous guys made her feel insignificant or unheard you’ll have to help her carry that baggage. Heck, you’ll have to help her unpack it and put it away! So when your girl replies with a curt little answer to your questions don’t take her at face value. Calmly and gently ask her a few more times. Once she feels like you will hear her nature will take over and, voila! You’ll be communicating.
3. We want you to have your guy time. It is such a myth that girls don’t like to let their guy just hang with the boys. It’s a terrible lie perpetrated by relationship-phobes throughout the ages. It is totally untrue that we want you to give up your life to be with us. Think of it this way… when we met you and fell for you, you were (hopefully) single and your friends were a big part of your life. Take your friends away and a big piece of the guy we fell for goes with them. So we want you to keep your guy time. We know you need your friends and truth be told we need our friends too. That being said, obviously when you are single you have lots of spare time to spend with friends but when you are in a relationship some of that time is going to be taken up by your significant other (A.K.A. us). That is only normal. It is normal for you to need your guy time and it is normal for you to want to spend time with us. If you find the right balance the guy-time issue quickly becomes a non-issue. It is when we feel like you don’t make as much time for us as you do for them or that you resent being away from your friends when you are with us that the stereotypical “girlfriend verses the friends” scenario takes the stage. It’s all about balance. Spending time with your friends or with us will never be an issue as long as there is a balance and as long as we never feel that they mean more to you than we do or that they come always first.
4. We want to know your friends but aren’t so sure you need to know ours. I’m not going to lie; this is hypocrisy in its most raw form. We want you to bring us around your friends, we want to know them and we want them to like us, but we aren’t quite as crazy about you knowing our friends. The why of this is as simple as it is irrational and here it is… we want to know your boys so we can understand the kinds of things they may get you to do when we’re not around. In short, will they encourage you to cheat on us, will they get you doing reckless and dangerous things, and will they help you engage in self-destructive activities? What we want to know is if they will be good or bad influences on you. We also want to create a buffer; we want your friends to like us so that they won’t want you to lose us. If there is no tension between your friends and us then we don’t need to fear them asking you to choose between love and friendship. Now on the flip side, we don’t really want you getting all chummy with our friends because we don’t want them to fill you in on all of our dirty little secrets. As previously noted girls are talkers by nature and we don’t want them to let something slip that may make you raise an eyebrow in our direction. We also fear, but will never admit fearing, you wanting one of our friends more than you want us. It’s bad enough to lose your guy to another girl but when that girl was once a friend, well, the sting is even sharper. So allow us this hypocrisy. It’s irrational, that’s true, but it’s also quite harmless.
5. We worry that other girls look better now that you are in a relationship. Mike nailed the core of every girlfriend’s relationship insecurity on the head when he brought up the GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome). The idea that life is better on the other side is one of the most destructive forces in relationship world and girls feel that guys fall for it way too often. It is a great fear of ours that once you can’t have other girls you will suddenly want them all. It leads to a lot of unfounded jealousy brought on by innocent comments on your part or casual non-flirtatious conversations with other girls. So what’s a guy to do? In a perfect world you’d stop interacting with other girls altogether but our rational super-ego knows that’s not realistic. What you need to do is follow these three simple rules; 1) never pay more attention to another girl than you do to your girlfriend, 2) never comment over and over how hot/cool/nice/fun another girl is, and 3) if you meet a great girl while you’re in a relationship hook her up with one of your buddies (also known as taking her off the market and getting her out of our face). And should you ever really get the itch to jump the fence and live life on the other side… just do it! Don’t lead us on, don’t cheat on us, don’t sneak around, just end the relationship. If it ends up being a GIGS fueled mistake… oh well, consider it a hard lesson learned and leave us alone… we won’t want you back anyway!
I’m dating a guy who is not my normal type. None of my friends can stand him. They all think he is a loser because he dresses differently. His family isn’t rich and can’t afford to get him trendy clothes but I don’t care about that. He’s a great guy and he’s good to me. Why can’t my friends see how good he is for me and be happy for us? Why are they making it so hard?
This is such a common problem especially among teens. The social structure of high school can be unforgiving and patently unfair. All too often the things that make some people “popular” and other people “unpopular” have nothing to do with the substance of the people and everything to do with superficial things like clothing, excellence in sports, or good looks. No matter how often adults tell teens that this kind of thinking is wrong it never changes. It is a combination of immaturity, the closed environment of high school and peer pressure that make this social divide so pronounced among teenagers. But love is often blind to things like this and that is a good thing.
First let me congratulate you for following your heart on this one, you are 100% in the right. If a guy makes you happy and treats you well that is way more important than what he wears or whom he hangs out with. If he is good to you and good for you this is all that matters. But you need to face your friends and their irrational disapproval and that can be a difficult thing to do. Peer pressure is a very influential force, especially for teenagers, and far too many relationships are crushed by the weight of it. Here are some tips to help you stand up to your friends in the name of love:
Make these your words to live by; the clothes don’t make the man.
Stand up for your guy whenever your friends cut him down and always remind them that he is good to you. If they are real friends eventually this will sink in and they will support you.
Insist that your friends include your guy whenever possible and ask them to try to really get to know him for your sake. Again, true friends might protest but in the end they want you to be happy and will at least give him a chance.
Never sit by silently while your friends criticize your guy. Tell them that you don’t appreciate them being so superficial and then tell them why your guy is so great. Do this every time they put him down. Eventually they’ll get it.
If your friends, or your guy, ever put you in the position of having to choose between them just refuse to do it. Tell them that they are both very important parts of your life and that you wish they could get along but if they can’t you’ll just have to make time to see them at different times. Then stick to the plan. Never give in to the pressure.
Love can’t conquer all but peer pressure should never be allowed to control you. If your guy is a good guy your friends will come to see it in time. You just need to keep singing his praises and bring him around them as much as possible. If they see how good he is to you first hand eventually they’ll come around.
Expressing love to our partners, children, family and friends not only strengthens communication it also improves connection and intimacy. Too often we get distracted by the trivial and forget how important it is to nurture our relationships.
Finding simple, but heartfelt ways to love each other is a source of encouragement for the giver and the receiver. By loving consciously, we discover Love is the force that puts the world back together when it feels like it’s coming apart. It provides a sense of contentment and gratitude deep in our hearts and is the voice that tells us, “Everything will be okay.”
Consider these ways to love each other and help create a world where beauty and grace can fill the hearts of everyone willing to give and then receive Love’s gentle power:
Don’t wait to say, “I love you.” Tell someone today, right now.
Tell your child you believe in her or him.
When you ask a question, listen to the answer.
Leave an unexpected note.
Admit when you are wrong.
Do what you say you’re going to do.
Be generous with compliments and judicious with complaints.
Forgive, let go and move on.
Smile when someone touches your heart.
Prepare and share a meal together.
Tell your parent one thing he or she did that inspired you.